Maniacal Musings-Where Did My Questions Go?

So today is October 1, 2016. I turn 40 on the fourth, and I am trying to learn as many new things and things I should have learned by Tuesday, my birthday.

Today the big revelation was angels. In reading a friend’s post she wrote that she believed in angels but not God.

Well I have always believed in God, and I realized I had spent my entire life skipping over this dimension of angels. Of course I believe in them, I have never incorporated them into my thoughts or being.

This is not a get all religious post, but how could I not ever have thought about the angels that watch after me?

I was incredulous and thought about my fire in my brain and the demons and gremlins that are making a bunch of racket in my body and mind. I definitely have a lot of thinking to do about my angels that have been with me in some way for 40 years. I think it is time I get to know them, don’t you?

That is what I am talking about when I say I have so much to learn in the next three days. I realize how many more years I have on this earth I am in pursuit of that which I do not know. Some of it will come to me through my pursuit of my Ph.D. and some of it is just pure universe stuff I need to get comfortable and familiar with.

In my thirties for like five years, my only question I ever asked was why? I asked it about everything and those years are some of the hardest most memorable years of my life. I have gone sort of braindead until the fire sparked about two weeks ago. I am once again questioning and wanting to know learn out side of the box, and outside of the educational system. I am asking why about everything and anything.

I think something went askew with me the last years, my curiosity for life’s questions was lost on me, and it saddens me greatly that I would live such an uninspired life. What happened to my whys? Where did the want for the unknown go and disappear to?

I can promise you I will leave no stone unturned and no question is too small or too trite for me to ask.

So about my angels?  Do you ever think about your’s? I am giddy at the notion of getting to know my angels and what they will allow. They seemed to have been quiet for some 40 years, but maybe just maybe I wasn’t listening for them correctly.

Ever since this discovery yesterday I have left the question alone. Unsure how to grabble with it, and most of all be respectful of things I have ignored in my life for forty years.

The questions I will ask will come in the form of prayer, when I kneel naked as I can be on the edge of my bed, and ask the questions and convey a lifetime of gratitude.

I once wrote to God everyday for a year. I begged for unwavering faith and just days before my thirtieth birthday I received it.

It was like 4 am in the morning and I realized all of a sudden with nary any aires

or celebration or declaration, that I was a believer with unwavering faith, and I knew no longer what it felt like to have wavering faith.

I know I probably lost many of you on this post, as it isn’t the cool thing or with science the logical thing to be a believer. I believe just in much in God as I do in science. I know, doesn’t add up, because we are mere mortals with limited capacities to understand and comprehend. God is undefinable and we can’t have a clue as to what God is or isn’t. We are again mere mortals.

I will never try to make a believer out of you or anyone else. I will not argue the sanctity of my believer. I will wear my cross and Our Father medallion around my neck, never to come off and almost always out in the open for all to see.

I do tuck it under my shirt sadly at times because of the people I am around or in the work place. Whenever I am in need or grateful like I am most if not all the time I touch it, I rub it; it soothes me and brings me solace like God does.

I will let you know about my angels I have yet to honor and revere. I will come back with answers to my questions and probably through divine intervention a whole lot more will be opened up to me.

My brain being on fire is a perfect way to meet my angels. Maybe or perhaps this is their way of letting me know they have been here my entire life……..