After Stephanie drove away I sort of stood dumbfounded at the bottom of the stairs. So much had happened with us and now I was here all alone and not quite sure what I ought to do.
I knew I wanted to blog some more about us and where we had journeyed over our extended weekend. So I did post a U-ME post and I was getting closer to being caught up with us. There wasn’t much of a time delay. I had so much to do today that I needed to get my priorities straight and get on a plan to get my stuff all done before Stephanie got home. I wasn’t sure if I would have to work for the campaign tonight.
I got started with my list and one of things I wanted to do was get a good printed picture of us together from our long weekend. The funny thing is I am really romantic and so is Stephanie so who knows who will get the picture done first? I wouldn’t put it past her that she dropped one off this morning. She is so very thoughtful in so many different ways. She is not predictable and like me she likes to surprise people.
Normally we have no contact while she is at work and I am doing my work or other things. I usually hear from her between 4:30pm and 5 pm to check in about dinner plans. I am always very busy with whatever day it is. I am not one to sit around idle at the least if I don’t have something to do I will always use the time to blog another post. We are very flexible about dinner so we usually have a some idea or sometimes I might feel like cooking something special for us. I am still not out of the woods with anorexia so night time and dinner time can be very hard on me and I am just happy eating a yogurt for dinner which doesn’t make Stephanie happy and doesn’t get me closer to well.
I went through my day and because I blogged later than the maniac’s hours I was all behind. I went to the post office and renewed my passport. I stopped on the way home and bought flowers and a card for Stephanie. She was definitely on my mind and I was flooded with random thoughts and memories from the weekend and before even as the weekend was the culmination of our two years as best friends destined for love.
I got home from running my errands and it was already past 4 pm. I had wanted to blog about my anorexia journey. However I didn’t have the time, and I had to think about dinner. I thought we could do Thai takeout it was a little warm to cook and I didn’t feel like grilling out. Around 4:45 pm Stephanie texted me and asked about dinner. I told I thought Thai and she texted “great!” She usually gets home about 6:15 so I had a little time to blog. However my little pug Julia Bleu had other ideas. I sat down to blog and she jumped right up into my lap. It was Julia Bleu time. I grabbed one of her babies and I played tug of war for like a half an hour. Then I needed to feed her and call in our Thai food order. All of sudden the day was escaping me and all I could think about was Stephanie. In every possible she crossed my mind. I thought should I take a shower. Yep. Do my hair and face. Yep. Her favorite cologne of mine, BANG, by Marc Jacobs. Yep- dousing myself. I have never acted this way before with anybody. I decided to make us vodka tonics and chill them in the freezer so we could sit out on our porch and drink them together. I looked at the clock and she should be home any minute. I got a text. It was Stephanie saying she had gone to her place and would be here in 20 minutes. I felt a little vulnerable. Here I was all excited to see her and she decides today to go home first? Okay. So I got on my computer and started a post for a blog. I didn’t hear her come in the door as it is at the bottom of the stairs with a long foyer.
She came in with a huge suitcase. She wasn’t wearing her work clothes. She looked amazing and grabbed me tight and we had an epic U-ME kiss. Followed by another. I was so happy to see her. She asked me if I saw anybody today? I said no why? She said, “Well you’re looking like a million dollars and I figured you had lunch with somebody.” Oh I could see where this was going. She was sad. It was my fault. I had left her as my friend for too many girls that were still in my life because we never dated seriously so there was no breaking up. I had one girl in particular the one that I was most apt to see, her name was Alicia, and she was a playboy centerfold bunny and had donned the cover of Maxim a few times. Alicia and I were on and off together for most of my separation and divorce. Stephanie definitely had issues with Alicia and I. Alicia was beautiful not close to Stephanie beautiful and my best friend Adam made such a huge deal out of her. She had given me like 80 8×10 pictures in various lingerie and bathing suits and yes some wearing nothing. She had personalized each one to me with very sexual and lurid vocabulary. I made the mistake when Stephanie was just my friend and asked to see them I let her see and read all of them. A huge mistake. Stephanie and I had not talked about the specifics of past girls in my life going forward. I said to her, “You know what sweetie I know why you rightly ask a really hard question. Let’s walk over and pick up the Thai food and have a conversation about it. But I want you to know I don’t feel it is okay to go to lunch with anyone now that you are my girlfriend.” Stephanie had tears in her eyes and so did I. I think about all the times I left her to go be someone else. It killed me to think I had caused her such pain.
We both took a Kleenex and headed out the door to go get dinner right around the corner. We held hands as we walked and I told her my truth: I had gotten showered and dressed up just for her. I was making myself very vulnerable in general, but she needed to hear that truth given our past history as best friends. She smiled a far away smile, a deep happy smile. I left it alone, if she wanted to tell me she would when she was ready. She hadn’t brought up any of her pain of me being with someone else except the last “junkie” I found myself somehow involved with. Stephanie was not okay with her, and she let me know it. When Stephanie said the ‘junkie” was a way sick and twisted person I dropped her on her head and never looked back.
We got back to the house and I had already set the table for dinner. I got the vodkas out of the refrigerator and gave Stephanie her glass. We toasted and she went first, “To Us may you be happy with what is in my suitcase and not laugh at me crazily.” I toasted her back, and said, “May this conversation about other people in my life bring you peace and happiness.” We both took a sip of the crazy shit I had stirred up in those two glasses! We sat down to eat and said a gratitude blessing. I just wanted a little a bit of pad Thai as I needed to finish my smoothie for the day. I had gotten Stephanie her favorite soup and spring rolls. The only thing that was missing was my daughter Bella. She loved it when we got this Thai food!
Stephanie started the conversation. She said she felt she had no right being upset about anything that happened with me and other girls before we got together, except for the “junkie.” She said I made a really poor decision with that person in my Universe. But other than that she accepted everyone as they were in the past. However, she knew from time to time I saw Alicia as a friend and another girl not my type but pretty and off the wall once in a while for lunch. I stopped her right there. I looked at her straight in the eyes, and said, “It wasn’t appropriate or something I even wanted to do by having lunch with someone else now that she and I were a couple.” I told her about the text I ignored from a girl when we were away. I still hadn’t answered her, but I surely would tell I was with Stephanie and we were going to get married. Stephanie reached across the table. She put her chopsticks down and looked me in the eye. She said words I needed to hear. She told me, “That I made her happier each day we were together, and she was so in love with me that if I wanted to split I better leave now because she wasn’t ever going to let go of me.” My eyes welled up and I fought back the happy and yes the sad tears I told her, “My divorce as you know was very hard on me, and I wouldn’t make it through another one especially with you. So I know I had things to work on, as everyone does, but I ask you to promise me to tell when I didn’t have it right or if I unintentionally hurt you. I need you to tell me.” She got up out of her chair, and said, We will talk about what I felt when you were just my friend and dated other girls another time.” She continued, “I saw what your divorce did to you, I promise you right now with my entire heart and soul I love you, I have loved you for a very long time, and this is my dream come true. You. I will never let you go or let us grow to a place we can’t come back from, I mean it Corey.” Now I could not hold back the tears, the pain of loss was so great and the very thought of ever losing Stephanie was too over the top painful and crushing for me to even fully contemplate.
We were both finished with our food, and I felt good that we had that talk and I didn’t want to run away and hide and protect myself. Stephanie brought out the very best in me. The best people have a way of doing that to others. I have this situation where I have been I have been unfriended and blocked by this person on Facebook, who is not a good or healthy person, and they bring out the very worst in me I am sorry to admit. But when you treat someone well it is so different than when a person mistreats you.
Stephanie was doing her thing cleaning up the kitchen. I told her I would start helping her, and she laughed and said, “That is quite alright.” I told her I was just going to the study to work away at my blog. She said , “Okay, but when I am finished it is time to open my suitcase.” I laughed because I had no idea what was in there. I went and tried to blog, but I was so into her and so wanting to be close to her in anyway possible.
She finally finished up in the kitchen and told me to follow her up to the bedroom. I grabbed my drink and followed right behind her. She had turn beet red, and she said, this is how long I have wanted to be with you and what I wanted and dreamt of with you: She opened her suitcase and was over flowing with new sexy nighties and amazing lingerie I was completely blown away. I would have never have thought she would feel this way about me. I said to her, ” I am in heaven and can’t wait to see what you wear to bed tonight. May I look at it?” She said, Yes of course, why don’t you pick out something for me to wear.” Wow this just kept getting better and better. I looked at all the nighties and lingerie. There was so much there honestly she had to have been shopping for longer than I could imagine. I picked out this nightie that was black with lace and said, “How about this tonight?” She said perfect and went right into the bathroom and put it on.
Oh my I was so caught off guard! I had no idea what time it was by way of the clock but I knew what time it was for Stephanie and I. I got up and went to the bathroom and tried to put on something she hadn’t seen me wear before I had some Calvin Klein’s and Disesel and I picked the disesel because they were black and I put on a ribbed pima cotton tank top. I washed up and remember my shake. I said I would be right back. I ran down the stairs and grabbed it out of the refrigerator. I took a big gulp, and decided to just polish it off. I was doing somewhat better these days.
When I got up into the bedroom Stephanie was still in the bathroom so I put on the playlist I had made for our trip. She came out of the bathroom, and I swear I have
been with way too many girls, but none ever looked so beautiful and sexy to me as Stephanie. We both folded down the bedding and got in. We turned the lights off and that is where our epic journey of our first day back to reality began……..
-Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2016
Coreys Universe 