Maniacal Musings: Sunday Morning Passes into Late Sunday Afternoon

It is Sunday morning and I am up for the day without anyone else and having spent the maniac’s hours blogging on panoply. I am up with almost a mere 24 hours until my appointment with the hand surgeon.

As I called it right, and knew myself this has been a weekend of getting through until my appointment on Monday at 11:10 am.

I am okay with the healing of my finger although it hasn’t healed all the way or very fast. My surgery will be two weeks on Thursday, and the stitches are still in there, not dissolved, and my incision is not all the way healed and remains a deep purple color without any signs of infection.

I told the doctor and his assistant that when they originally had a problem with my length with stitches, I told them I wasn’t a fast healer and with my previous surgery I still needed butterfly strips to close up a part of the incision after the normal time had passed to get the stitches out.

Last night was low key with Stephanie and Bella. Bella was exhausted from swim practice and Stephanie was concerned with me and my fixation on Monday and the impending pathology results.

I looked up the WBFF and couldn’t find any results and my friends didn’t post pictures like they did last month at their last competition, so I don’t think things went as well as probably planned as I know one of my friends was hoping for a PRO card. I don’t think she got it as there was no mention of the competition late last night or early this morning.

I am certain if any of them had received the elusive PRO card it would have been on the Internet last night, with celebration and pictures to boot.

I am worried with nobody posting if there was a bad performance overall or if people were just too tired although that wasn’t the case in November when everyone did so well.

Coaches posted, teammates posted, and individuals posted the night of the show and all day the following Sunday after the show. I think people were tired with back to back shows and I was talking to a friend of mine who isn’t into training for the WBFF and she said she never heard of doing two back to back shows without some recovery time like was the case yesterday and last night. Maybe my friends were overly ambitious and it didn’t work out well or for some reason they are tired after the show, but again, this wasn’t the case last show in November.

I saw where one girl from the area made her PRO status so people did make PRO, just not my friends I guess. I am so happy I am not so sucked into this training game where people are now going into the holidays, and probably disappointed for all their hard work, and effort and nothing like a top three finish or a PRO card. I wouldn’t want to be any of these people as they are insane with their training and then have to deal with major disappointments and setbacks like last night.

We are going into the holidays, and I wouldn’t want anything that could wreck them or but a damper on them in anyway.

Stephanie and I did a lot of talking last night and we are busy trying to figure out when to get engaged and when to make the jump to living together. I think we are heading for a New Year’s engagement with moving in together in January, before I had to Washington and before I return to school for spring semester the middle of January.

Christmas eve is three weeks from today and the countdown to Christmas is underway. I am getting ready to do my holidays, which for me is a handful of family and friends with my emphasis on Bella and Stephanie as well as my ex-wife and my parents. I do have a gift for my sister, and I give gifts out to others, but my circle is quite closed and it remains that way for a reason. I do a lot for the people in my life, again with my emphasis on Bella naturally. I need to get the gifts mailed by the 15th of December to my parents and sister, and a box off to Australia before the end of the day tomorrow.

I will be shopping for Stephanie right up till Christmas Eve and I will be doing the same for Bella although I have to coordinate things with my ex wife. Bella has a holiday concert for band and chorus on Thursday evening at the school. I enjoy going as it has become part of the holiday tradition and seeing her play the saxophone is a rarity since it is usually the violin we are watching. There will be Christmas carols for this and Stephanie and I will both get dressed up although vastly different for the night.

I spent the greater part of today with Bella and then we all went to the movies before bringing her back to my ex wife. I will have her Tuesday and Wednesday, just needed a break tonight with tomorrow morning’s appointment really on my mind. It was a weekend of survival so to speak and with Stephanie’s help I made it and will make it until tomorrow at 11:10. I am getting up really early tomorrow morning to go to Portsmouth for when Rite Aide, my pharmacy, opens at 8am. I have prescriptions to be filled and my prescription shakes to pick up and then will go directly to my hand surgeon for 11:00 am as my appointment is at 11:10 am. I am going solo and will call or text Stephanie right away with whatever I find out and then call my ex-wife and my parents who will be waiting to hear from me.

I didn’t make it to the gym today as planned. Neither Stephanie nor I were highly motivated and we got the rest of the Florida laundry washed and dried now just need to fold what is on the guest bed and call it done! After the non-response of my fitness addict friends to their competition last night where it looks like many were disappointed with all their hard work and no high finishers or PRO cards I thought it was perfectly okay not to go to the gym and kill myself when I could share the morning with Stephanie and get things accomplished here. Bella mentioned going back to the gym since I am paying for her, and I think we will try to get there this week. I will go on my own as well, but I am super bummed my friends are all MIA today, because of a contest that didn’t go their way. Granted I have no idea how much time or energy they put into their prep for this show, but it is such a lousy time of year to be bummed personally or with a finish that wasn’t what they anticipated. I know my closest friend was really expecting a PRO card and that clearly didn’t happen. I will give them space today, and reach out to my closest friends tomorrow. It is so weird that there is a group of them involved with this insane training and lifestyle built solely around the gym and working out. I think I want to get a spinning bike for home. Stephanie and I have talked about it and we have a space for it we both agreed on, so after the New Year I am going to purchase one and if Stephanie or Bella want to use it they can. As I come back from my fall, spinning is one of the only exercises I can do that I enjoy. I belong to another gym that has spinning classes and I might start doing that as I am far from being anywhere near able to run or walk a serious distance or pace.

I light a candle every night in the late afternoon and there is one burning for the second day. I think Stephanie and I might put up some Christmas lights in the kitchen for starters, and get candles that plug in for all the windows. I love the ambience of the white lights in the house at night. So very excited to have the holidays with Stephanie and be so close to getting engaged and moving in together. I really haven’t been caught up with my appointment tomorrow as today has been a great full day and with really pushing to get the laundry done and suitcases all away, I haven’t had much time to dwell. I think about tomorrow and heading to Portsmouth at 7 am and finally getting really close to my appointment where I will be nervous about seeing the doctor, but I will not let myself get stressed out or torture myself or Stephanie this evening. I need to keep everything in perspective and be very grateful for all my blessings and abundance. Nothing like watching others have a bad time of it and derail over their happiness because their competition didn’t go well. I don’t want to be like that-these holidays are important to everyone around me, and no matter what happens tomorrow I am not tanking the holidays at all. Life is too short and I am too blessed to let myself get down, and I watch daily a friend suffer with Bipolar and it is so hard for them and half the time they are really down, and then they never know what will depress them more or change their happiness. I am so very grateful for my happiness and constant state of being happy. It is nothing to take lightly as many people I know are not really happy people. Life can’t be like that for me-I am too up and too forward motion to let anything bring me down. Sure I need to adjust my sails from time to time but nothing really major and I do not dwell. I have a friend who has some injuries and not comparing but my injuries are a lot more and I have had them a lot longer, yet my friend gets really down about them and I will not let anything change my game or snuff my mental edge out. I realize what a gift it is to perhaps have pure mania even though I have to deal with the constant fire that burns out of control. I don’t get caught up in it ever-and I will not spend my time being ungrateful for my life and all that I have and all that I share with those I love and my daughter, Bella. The holidays are very special to me, and two years ago I was at rock bottom with anorexia. Now I am coming back, and even though I got seriously injured I am still so grateful, and will definitely make the gym a priority tomorrow.

Tonight, Stephanie and I have made an awesome Sunday dinner, and we are going to finish up that laundry and get some holiday lights hung. Then we can really relax and call it a weekend, as the white lights set the house a glow and the spirit of the holidays is right ahead of us. Maybe we should have a bit of a celebration with Perrier Jouet champagne. It is time to really be grateful and spend our night close watching a movie or just reading together. Feeling very blessed and very grateful. I will get through my appointment tomorrow and I know tonight I will talk some more to Stephanie about it. Time to hang lights and pop the cork! Christmas and New Years are very special to us and we will really make an effort to celebrate and be grateful together. What a difference one year makes. I don’t even want to go there but I need to; one year was the junkie who is so long gone I couldn’t be any more grateful for anything than that-my life is so back on track and without all the crap of a year ago. Stephanie and I are finally together as we should be and that is the best Christmas present either of us could ask for this year!