Life Sometimes Isn’t Funny….

Today my ex-wife called so we could have ‘the talk” about our deceased  pug Jack.  All of his remains and things are at my house.  I haven’t taken a look at the urns,  as it is too sad for me. My ex-wife tells me that they are not ready.  “Ready for what?” I asked.  We are not able to handle Jack’s death, okay I am thinking what does this mean?  “We would like to all get together today for lunch and the rest of the day.  However neither of us are ready to deal with Jack.  You do understand?”  Understand, oh right he passed in my house one week ago yesterday.  He died while I was petting him to much my surprise, I don’t think I have ever wailed so loud in my life..  “Okay, I get it,” I say a bit annoyed.  “You want all of Jack to stay at my house?” “Yes, if that is okay, the trip was so long, and Jack’s dying on top of  everything, has sent us both into a tail-spin.”  Ok I thought to myself, I had surgery, got the dying dog before he suddenly passed.  You know this is pure Corey lore, leave me with three urns packed with our beloved dog,

It is funny in life, I say tongue in cheek, the things thatloo

hhjkllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllls.  Of course no problem, the urns adorn my study floor.  I will take a picture just so you can see, what once again has been asked jho=,mln                                   .b

fooooooooo8yu7ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttued funny at all.  I once had this girl, or rather a woman, a bit off center with her daily wine.  She was smart, she could be funny, but as a result of her taste for her wine it cost her good paying job.  We met in an eating disorders hospital, surely another blog post just burning to be written.  She got of the hospital before me, it was the middle of April and she claimed she had no place to live.  I took that to mean she also had no cash, so I offered her a spare bedroom in my house.  I have lived alone except for my daughter since my divorce over fours years ago.  It couldn’t have been more weirder if I tried to honestly do the situation justice.  She paid me nothing, had free use of my house, and I didn’t even have the guts to ask for the huge spike in heat. It is just money, she is down on her luck.  Oh yeah what happened next was a kick in the pants.  She free-loader off me for three long months, until I told her she had to make other arrangements. Oh that was fine, I was kind of surprised, expecting her to have financial difficulties.  Nope not a problem, she was just about a millionaire.  To say I was surprised is to say yes I am calm.  I was thrown for a loop and rightly pissed off.  I will help anyone out of a jam, but using me, and sitting on your small mound of dough, thinking I owned her this type of arrangement.  I couldn’t get her out as this point quick enough.  Did I mention her first rate flare for drama?  Well her entire moving process took two weeks, and she never told me when she was going or worse yet, when she would be back at my house.  I easily could have charged a 1000.00 a month for her room.  Not including the utilities we would have split, I started doing the math, got nauseaus and quit. She will not tell me where she is moving, and she needs to move fast because she is going to California. I finally find out she in a penthouse in town, not even I would drop so much on a mere mortal rental!  So on her last day, and her very last trip, I have yet to ever here a “Thank you, Corey.”  I half convince my pathetic self she is going to square with me when she finally leaves.

Nope not a chance, not a penny or more importantly a nice “than you.”  We obviously didn’t speak for some time, until she got to close to her bottle of wine.  She actually thought I was such a chump, she called up and asked do you mind if I stay?  Okay she has an eating disorder for certain, is too friendly with her wine, and on top of all that she thins the world owes her a free ride.  I was so pissed I needed to buy time.  I told I wasn’t sure, and would call her real soon.  Well I didn’t call soon enough I guess, for she phoned me with her hand on her bottle.  She was so inane I didn’t hold back. I said you used me once I have others I could help, your cheap like a pair of gold dipped earrings.  No I spoke up you cant use me again, what is exactly wrong with you. “Well your awful hostile for someone who is down, I just don’t understand can you explain it to me.”  No I couldn’t explain it to her, it was bodacious I could barely stand it. I said, “You now what, I don’t care what you do, nobody has ever been so disrespectful to me.” “Well she said your kindness was act,” “Oh no I said my kindness was real. For a girl with problems unable to work, without any money to get her own place.” With that I said I had to go, leaving her trailing please call me back. I no sooner got off the phone with her, I blocked her both in texts and through the phone.

So I guess I will live amongst my dog’s remain, certainly this isn’t the first time I have been dealt absurd. My pug Julia Bleu and I will be fine, we will give the entire half of the study, to Jack and his blessed remains.  While my ex-wife deals with all her own stuff.  No I am not joking, this is my life. It’s wonderful, its funny, and truly absurd.