Red Pill, Blue Pill

With all that is going on with my Pace Oddity of my brain I can’t help along with Stephanie to turn to pills to look for an answer.

I did sleep two hours last night so the idea of Mania Madness is really gone by the way side and in my opinion been replaced with the odd pace of my fiery brain and the clusters and clumps of thoughts spewing out of it like lava in an active volcano.

I am hopefully the neurologist at John Hopkins who we left a message with last night, calls back on Monday.

Stephanie and I tried to have a relaxing night last night but my head would not quiet down even for a second.

The incomprehensible thoughts that were rapid firing shooting out of my head started to make sense so I think acclimation is possible.

Today I know my thoughts are just as quick and I am on them with no way to write them down at the pace they are coming. When I get a really interesting thought, I suspend the rest of my brain from discerning the other thoughts and get the great thought down on paper.

The thoughts are not always random. This morning as I prepare to write more of my anorexia story my thoughts and crazy concepts revolve around that. I wonder if I have any control over the content of the thought?

Right now it is very overwhelming but a relief it is not Mania Madness. I would rather have my brain #AMP itself to a new level that I and others have to get accustomed to than have Mania Madness that is so debilitating.

I will not after yesterday try to hyper-focus my brain on any one thing, except anorexia when I write. I wonder if my brain can hyper-focus in thought but not in action like at the gym yesterday.

I am a bit psyched as only I would be that maybe my mania is getting worse…..I believe I can ultimately keep up with it and it seems only reasonable that I would experience cognitive gains in such a case.

I wish this mania could transcend my writing to a new level but that is not the pathway from which it works. May be my thoughts will be more interesting and yes thoughtful, and maybe I will have an easier time learning and expanding my vocabulary to enhance my writing.

Yesterday something strange happened to me. Oh what now you say? No nothing of the paranormal existence.

I replied to the comments of a girl I really like on Facebook and totally disagreed with her statement. She doesn’t put out much food for thought so there haven’t been instances to really disagree with her. Well I emphatically disagreed with her yesterday and she messaged me that she was glad I wasn’t a sycophant. I was taken back as I like this girl but clearly she doesn’t read and read my comments on many posts where I agree or disagree vehemently and back it up with a tight sound argument. I am very well know in my sphere of 4000 “Friends” as a nice person who is really intelligent and never makes it personal or takes it personal. A sycophant of all things? I couldn’t really dwell on it yesterday but I will respond to her and let her know she doesn’t have a clue as to me and my persona.

Today I am taking Bella to the gym I think and not hyper-focusing! I am writing a lot more of my anorexia story and will see if my mind can lend me a hand with thoughts and ideas I can keep up with.

I am keeping a journal on myself and feelings and how I feel overall. I think this can only help me in the long run. Stephanie and I are going to do some dictionary work and see what my retention rate is now for new vocabulary words and using them in my next writing.

Stephanie has been great, and short of wishing for magic pills for my deformity she has been spot-on with her love and friendship.

I am sort of excited as I don’t know what is going on and thoughts of a debilitating brain disease or brain cancer are not in my purview of thinking.

I am excited about the dictionary and although I am already a speed reader, I am going to read something to see if that too has improved. Sort of hoping now this isn’t going to pass. I see a lot of positives outside the speech arena.

Will let you know about the dictionary and reading I will do this afternoon. Watch out my writing my just be overflowing with a new vocabulary!