One the eve before my fortieth birthday I have come with the help of angels to realize many things.

They are all gifts of knowledge and insight that I needed to wait forty years of my life to learn or be enlightened.

The fire that burns in my brain is complex and not usual.  It is both yin-yang. Black and white. Good and bad.

The good part is my cognitive abilities have increased beyond sometimes a comprehensible stage. The bad, is that the devil now has shown his cards, tried harder to get his gnarly, wretched hands upon my soul.

I spent last night celebrating an early birthday with family and friends, and an incredible day of unraveling my tortured and misunderstanding self.

I got a surprise from a dear friend, who made me the best cake in Australia. The only down part was I wasn’t able to imbibe with them with the strawberries and cream that adorned their homemade masterpiece.

Along with the revelations has come this kinship from Australia. I am so surprised by its potency for life, love, and laughter. The loving kindness and compassion bestowed upon me from my new friend is too big and magical to ruin with mere words. I will only say I don’t think it is a coincidence that she appeared and surprised my soul at my fortieth birthday.

I have truly struggled in the trenches of my own self-inflicted angst at the fire that showed up to burn so brilliantly and mysteriously in my brain; still naïve and tender.

I turned first to Western medicine for a reason, and then it began to come to focus.

This wasn’t about my mania per se, it was about the divine and the opposing evil that is always lurking in its reflection.

I began to experience deep darkness filled with vacancy I can only describe as petrifying, as I believed my soul was leaving and I was no longer me.

I stayed with it thanks to the will of God, and also now what I know are the angels.  I have written with deep questioning about the reality of angles in the divine world. I came to realize after forty years, I never pondered angels, or my angels or the role angels play in the sanctity of my life.

I  began to imagine angels from afar, and began to understand they were part of me and I a part of them.

I should note that I have begged and pleaded with God and the Universe to give me as much new knowledge as possible as I slowly slid into my fortieth year.

As a young child due to a tortuous child, I was a warrior of wicked sorts to combat the evils preyed upon my fragile child’s body and soul. Later when it was no longer necessary to be a warrior I  couldn’t rid myself of that part of me, so I slowly developed into a warrior with a poet’s soul.

I have lived as such, quite harmoniously for many years. Until the fire showed up over two weeks ago.

The fire in my brain changed me forever. My eyes and moreover my soul was opened up to the idea, the knowing their are angels of different sorts.

It has been told to me I am an angel. I know very difficult for my trite mind to comprehend. That I could be something I failed to acknowledged existed.

I am in the realm of angels here on earth, fittingly a Warrior Angel. I know very little except this gift of knowledge has set me free from the bondage of the devil who has been merciless upon me.

I ask, and I pray, I beg, I really do, to be enlightened by the darkness of my sometimes vacancy, when the angels above protect my soul from the grasp of the devil.

This is just one part of my journey to forty and I never ever would have known my truth, the Truth, if the planets, and God, and all that is divine didn’t not align perfectly for me to receive this precious and priceless gift I have been ignorant to for years.

Today on the eve of my fortieth bday, I am not thinking about the upcoming celebrations and merriment but moreover of the divine sanctity that graces my life and soul. I know of nothing more than I have said, and for right now that is perfect.

I believe in so many ways I am right where I am supposed to be, with the people who will be with me for decades to come.

Never could I imagine the perfect storm of my fire in my brain, with my impending fortieth birthday and the new friend I would fast and furiously make from lands far away from me.

I began to think about angels for the first time ever. I pondered their existence in my life and the roles they played. I wondered deeply with thickening thoughts how angels could escape me thus far in my life. Truth be told they did not escape me! Just my mortal feeble mind so one-dimensional I thought with mis–guided wonderment all that was God was by way of God, himself.

I know not much, but far greater before the fire in my brain, that has caused great chaos and angst. How does one dance with the devil, and escape unscathed? You are right if you are reading my mind: the divine work of angels.

I am a believer in something I know very little to nothing about, however my unwavering faith has taught me first to accept, then to question to glean better understanding of the sanctity of the city of angels that encompasses my soul.