I Am Happy-My World Is Not

Well yes I am in recovery but a 3 day seven pound gain was way too much for this person to handle.

I am happy to report I just weighed myself at the heaviest time of the day 5 pm and I have dropped 4 pounds which means the scale will be down under 5 pounds tomorrow.

I am so grateful that I have the body I do and the courage to fight the fight when the need arises.

I haven’t even gone crazy with  the restricting

I have cut back and I am mindful about what I eat but I am just moving more everyday in my very limited capacity.

It got too easy to just sit around and work on the campaign or blog or do whatever. I need to move and I need to keep working out with the weights.

Fact: muscle weighs more than fat and burns more calories. I don’t want to be a fat “skinny” person. I have seen too many of those thank you very much!

I am blessed with a very powerful mind and brain I think we all are except some of us know how to use our power and put it to use and have confidence in using it.

I know this doesn’t look or sound good to the average person or the person or people who think I am full of hot air.

Problem for them is I am really not and my proof is the pudding. I would make a smart-ass statement about a so-called person in the cursory of my life who is not smart, she is a good rule follower but stand-out not even a little and her LIFE shows her she is paltry and she still doesn’t give me the time of day or think I am the real deal. Let me finish my PhD and land that kick-ass out of this Universe International consulting gig, and then I will send her my business card and say, “Look you middle-aged has been-here I am and you were foolish enough when you could have had me as a friend to chose others instead.

I await the day…..isn’t a great feeling to put your non-believers in a box and watch them go at it for your crumbs. I offered her my help, my connections, and she didn’t think I was the real deal. Have I got news for her! And I am not in any rush but to dive-bomb her playground pool, so I wait I complete my goals she doesn’t believe in and its okay I never give her a second thought until she puts her small world shit right in my face and I ask myself “Is she really excited over this?” Honestly sometimes I just bide my time and shake my head.

I probably have a song looking to be written in there. How we got on her is because of Facebook and my feed. I am reminded as I gag at her idiocy at the number of times she hasn’t liked what I posted about my kid when I have been cordial up until now and liked her ugly kid’s shit. It is what you do, you don’t shit on someone else’s child. She ignores me and she ignores my child. I guess she won’t miss me when I unfriend her or block her from my stuff.

Yeah I am feeling it tonight…..the high of anorexia and the moments we are the champs against the scales leave us sickly feeling on top of the world. What we need to do is take the power we have with our own bodies and harness it into something really good for ourselves. We all have been there, you know who you are, and take your amazing gift of power you have turned and sadly used against and railed your body with and do something that doesn’t hurt you and hopefully somehow helps other people.

Since I see the views I know I am sadly not alone. Tomorrow we talk healthy talk and write healthy words, now we are real for a moment.

You know what I am talking about and you are fighting it but I am suggesting something really powerful here: don’t use that gifted power you have against yourself and destroy you a minute longer. Put it to good use in this big bad world. If you can control your body your mind is very scary powerful and can and needs to be used to do and be great things.

This isn’t going any further-I have shared with you my gift of insight for today. Think about it and so will I. Let’s come back tomorrow and talk about our healthy and our getting to well.

I hoped you’re #AMPED up! I know I am. The posts are flowing tonight. I will catch up on my anorexia story and leave this story still unwritten for another time. Too much of anything is not good and can’t be processed. Journal, write , draw, sing, act about your fucking crazy power. It is time for us all to put it to good use.