Marry Your Best Friend……

Marry your best friend because if you get divorced you are more apt to have a post friendship that is a lot better than the heart breakers most people are left with when they get divorced.  I am thirty-nine, and divorced from my ex-wife for 4 years.  We dated and got engaged then a year later we had a bang of a destination wedding people talked about for years.  We were married for 10 years, and it was basically the last year of our marriage we failed ourselves, each other, and our daughter, Bella.

I really believe that marriage is an almost impossible institution to succeed at the first time.  Marriage for all its amazing gifts, is hard work, sacrifice, not always what you imagined, and the biggest problem is there is no magical book on how to create a successful, forever after marriage.  I honestly say, you must marry your best friend. You do not have a shot at a good marriage without that component.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t speak these words because I am an anti-marriage person.  I am the  biggest promoter of marriage.  I want to get married, I just think it is almost impossible to get it  right the first time around. Having been divorced for 4 years, and gone to therapy to learn all the things I should have done, could have done, wished I had done in my marriage, now makes me a good prospect  for a second marriage.  I am now the new and improved Corey; capable of being a partner, and sharing in all the responsibilities which everyday marriage requires.  I didn’t know the first time, I couldn’t have everything be the way I wanted.  I also had no clue that to succeed in my marriage, in any marriage, I would have to change parts of myself.  A counselor once told me, in every marriage there is a flower and there is a gardener.  I was always the flower, if you get what I mean.

Today I write this post, because I was so touched by  my ex-wife’s actions.  She left on a trip with our daughter on Monday. I was supposed to go but because of an accident and needing surgery today, I was stuck at home.  I have been in daily contact with my ex-wife because we have a child together. Yesterday I went to retrieve my mail and there was a card in it. The return address was from my old house where my ex-wife lives now.  It was a card she mailed before she left, wishing the best with my surgery and signing it “I love you.”  Stuff like that isn’t big, but it’s BIG. It’s huge. After four years of divorce and 10 years of marriage plus a year of dating and engagement, we are going on being in each other’s lives on a daily basis for 16 years this May.  I know she loves me, she always has, and she always will.  I in turn love her like no other.  She knows me better than anybody, and even though I sucked wind at being married to her in the long run, our love is still real, it’s still alive, and I know no matter what else happens, she will always have her place in my life.

No, it doesn’t mean we should have worked harder or that we made a mistake in getting divorced; it means my best friend, will always love me in her own special way.  She is part of my family, and that will never go away.  I see and talk to too many people who got married, had a bad nasty divorce and end up completely hating the person they set out to spend their life with. Those people didn’t marry their best friend.  I know you think I am not over her, or that I will never love someone else again.  Nope you are completely wrong. Because of my ex-wife, I can love again. This time completely, unselfishly, and without a doubt.  I can’t wait to get married, and hopefully have another child with my “It Girl” as I like to say. My ‘It Girl” is the woman I will love last and forever. I know she is out there somewhere, feeling as romantic and excited about falling in love with a new best friend as I am.

So when you meet somebody you stay up all hours talking to, and they are your biggest cheerleader, and mostly your world is better just because they’re in it…..marry them.  Don’t marry anybody else, but this person.  You will find the hottest one, the richest one, the baddest one; marry the best friend one.  You will have them for life.   At the end of the day, it truly is what matters.