Walden Stay 1 part 5

It was nearly time for lunch and I was freaking starving, no solid food in two days.  Now I would do that home but have plenty to drink…..here at Walden they restrict your fluid, which is inane since whenever I end up in the ER I am always dehydrated. I finished up my paperwork, and had a plan to finish talking to Bill, the patient advocate after lunch.  My mind was fixated on the bolus protocols.  I also didn’t want them to happen in front of other patients, incase I did lose my shit. These things were

like water-boarding for neo-lites.

I had to use the restroom, so I dashed out into the hallway. “Corey, what are you racing around for?” the hatchet of a counselor was blaring at me. “I have to use the restroom, and I didn’t want to hold up lunch.” “Let’s go follow me, so you finally decided to show some manners all of a sudden for your fellow patients?”  “I haven’t done anything to them. Stop trying to twist my head.  It will take a lot more brain power than you generate to turn my head upside down.” “Please hurry, talk or say something out loud, and don’t flush the toilet.” “What do you want to know, I don’t think we would ever be friends, your not my type of peep.  I have been rowing in the struggle boat toda…” “Oh no I flushed by accident! You have no worries I am 100 percent a restrictor, no worries.” “Corey, that is not appropriate to talk about unless it is with your medical team. Get in line, and please don’t re-create this morning’s breakfast.” I laughed to myself because as long as I was at Walden I would be creating that  scene every meal.

We got into the dining room and I found my seat. Oh I had ordered cottage cheese.  I wanted to eat it so bad, but I couldn’t, I knew in a few minutes the hunger would pass.  True to form, all the counselors were on top of me.  “Corey, you need to eat, look at everyone else.” “I don’t need to look anyone else, they are not me.  I am not hungry, so may I be excused?” “Corey sit down, and chill out this instant. Alicia, please go get Jane.” Oh great Jane was coming, but she is at least fake nice, I can tolerate her, and she has a good way with me I think.  “Corey!” “Hi Jane, so surprised to see you. Corey are you sure you are finished?” “Yes thank you I am.” “Please come with me back to my office, Carroll the charge nurse is waiting for us.” I walked into Jane’s office, and some very mean old lady who looked like she never had or wanted to go on a date, was glaring at me. “Carroll this is Corey.” “Hi.” So Carroll can you explain to Corey what is going to happen with the medication?” “You are not taking your Adderall anymore, I would never approved it when you were admitted.” “Hey that is for my mania, I am in need of it honestly. I am a lot worse without it. It is prescribed by my psychiatrist, and I want to talk to her now, before I listen to anymore fucking cockamamie bullshit.” “You can talk to her on your free time, but your a patient of ours and we will treat you according to how we see fit.” “Okay, I have my three day letter, and I am about to go tell Bill the bad news.  You will be closed down before you take my medication away, I am going to call DHHS with Bill, and let them know I know all the patients psych medications left up on the pixis, and from their medications I know their diagnoses. So lets play hardball, shall we get started?  My fucking  Adderall is the least of your concern lady, I don’t know you, and you wont bully me with your beef jerky body. In fact, I will add that on to my complaint; Carroll the nurse threatens me with her unprofessional attitude. I am going to see Bill right now if that is alright with you.” “Corey, you are not going anywhere, until you get your two bolus protocols.” “Fine, I am ready.”

Jane left with Carroll and let me in the office, waiting for my bolus protocols.  They came right back with a counselor and the stuff. “Corey can you turn your head this way? Thank you are you ready?” “Yep” So the counselor slammed the syringe even harder than the morning.  I didn’t flinch, I was in for the fight. “Can you hurry up and do the other one please?” “Sit still, are you ready?” “Yes try and see if you can slam it harder, all this will be documented I promise you.” “Corey here we go, all set?” “Yep.” Once more she slammed me with the syringe, I couldn’t see straight. I sat up fast, and tried to ward off a panic attack. “May I go see Bill now?'” “Corey Bill knows you are waiting for him. He will come and get you when he is ready.” I got up to leave I had so much to say, but I didn’t have the strength or the energy. I went back to my room, and closed my door. I was scared out of my wits, and needed my family. I had to relax, I was starting to get get faint. I closed my eyes until Bill arrived. “Corey did you still want to meet?”

-Corey

BORN THIS WAY-2016

Walden First Stay part 3

I left the meeting with my three day forms all eager to go fill them out and get them submitted as quickly as I could.  I was met by this 6 foot blue business suit all professional and formal.  “Are you Corey?” “Yes, that’s me.” “Do you have a few minutes to talk? I am Bill the patient advocate.” “Sure I can talk, I hope you have some time because I have a lot of things to say.”  “We can talk as long as long as

 you don’t miss breakfast, if we haven’t enough time, we can continue it afterwards.” “Thanks, that would be great.” I entered his office and begin my complaints……by the end of my litany Bill was well over cooked, and I hadn’t even gone for the jugular.  I saved the part of closing them down for knowing and seeing all the other patients medications at the window that were left up on the pixis machine.  I figured I would use that as my last resort, as I had already many cards to play.  Just as we were finishing up, breakfast was called.  Bill told me he would touch back with me later.  I took my feeding tube machine and slid right down the hallway, when as staff member yelled: “Corey what are you doing sliding across the hallway, without any shoes on your feet?” “I have been in meeting with the patient advocate. I am sorry.” I couldn’t care less that was so much fun.  I would do it again later, it was worth getting yelled at, what did I care, I was starving myself to get out of there.

I found my seat, and finally some food I could eat, BUT, no I was trying to lose as much weight as possible so they had to send me home.  So I looked at my yogurt and my apple with hunger, but being the champion restrictor I just passed on all of it completely.  “Corey.” I swore if this hack said my name like that in that tone more time, I was going to lose it right on her, no I wasn’t joking in the least bit. “Corey Britton, you need to start to eat.  You have only twenty minutes before you need to reach 100%.” “I am sorry to tell you, you will have to check with the medical staff.  We had a long meeting but didn’t get to the bolus protocol so I wont be doing it this morning, and I am finished.” “Corey you think this is all a big joke, you are impacting the entire unit.” “I apologize everyone for impacting you profusely, I am sorry it happened.” People broke out in laughter I didn’t know what was so funny, but they certainly weren’t upset with me at all. “Corey just go, and head to Jane’s office.” “I don’t know how to get there, can somebody help me?”  “Oh you will be fine, if you look hard enough you will find it no problem” “Okay, I just might go get lost in the patient advocate’s office again.”  “C-O-R-EY!” “Please go now without another word.”

I sensed she might have woke up on the wrong side of the bed or not had her coffee yet.  I meandered the hallways, after putting on my shoes. I found my way to Jane’s office. “Hi Corey, please come and have a seat. Heard you didn’t do so well with your breakfast?” “No I passed, I wasn’t feeling hungry.” “Corey you are going to have to do the bolus protocol We have the stuff right here, we will attach it to your feeding tube, and then press on the syringe.  We need to do it twice, and I am sorry to tell you, it doesn’t feel good.” “Do what you want to do, everything is being documented, and I haven’t brought out my big guns blazing.” Sit real still, Alicia is going to do your first bolus.  It is quite a shock to your system, so you let us know when you are ready.” “Fucking ready!” The girl Alicia, she took no pity on me, she shoved that syringe all the way straight down. I honestly thought I was going to die but nope I was fine. “Are you okay Corey?'” What if I said I wasn’t would it change anything, so no satisfaction for you, I am ready let’s get this over.” Again she plunged the syringe right down, I wanted to do the same thing right back to her. I fought back my tears, no nothing fell, and I regrouped quite fast I think, it was truly pure hell.  I couldn’t stop thinking that at lunch and dinner there would be two more bolus’ each.  It was worth it to get out of this miserable place.

-Corey

BORN THIS WAY-2016