I Hit The Wall This Weekend

As many of you know I suffer from a rare form of pure mania. It is very challenging and there are no specific medications for it.

There is Adderall and a variety of other stimulants to quell the symptoms but nothing to take it away.

I forgot to call my Adderall refill in last Thursday which I have never not done or missed and spent the entire weekend off Adderall with crazy mania and also Adderall withdrawal symptoms.

I am not a big drug person and withdrawal from Adderall is not something I have ever experienced.

It was the single most dreadful experience of my life and I couldn’t get anyone to prescribe it because of my condition.

Saturday and Sunday I was out of this world train spotting with hell’s angels. I was so sick. I was hungry but couldn’t eat. If I did eat I hurled up my entire stomach and part of its lining every time.

So picture me up and down unable to focus, hold a conversation, be on the computer, blog, nothing and be physically ill with withdrawal symptoms.

I don’t know how poor Stephanie survived me Saturday or Sunday. I fucking ran straight head into a concrete wall, and my wheels kept spinning still after

Sleep? What is that? And feeling so sick, a terrible headache and nothing to make me feel better, stone awake watching the clock for hours……….

I didn’t tell anyone except Stephanie what was happening. Even talking to her was spotty. I will never fucking laugh about this. Me who finds dark humor in EVERYTHING at this moment can not find or think of one funny thing about missing my Adderall.

It truly surprised me how dependent I am to it I missed my first dose during the maniac’s hours early Saturday and mid-day out with Bella I began to feel the pall coming over me and my engines rev with turbo on and with two broken legs there wasn’t even a physical outlet for my gone wrong energy.

I wouldn’t wish what I just endured on my worst enemy-I am not that mean. I can’t imagine a real withdrawal from a drug. I googled Adderall withdrawal and it was nothing like a benzo or alcohol withdrawal.

It mentioned might last for up to 5 days and listed side effects of which I experienced all of them. I looked up withdrawal to other medications and some were life threatening and had terrible side effects lasting forever. The Adderall withdrawal was written like NBFD! I thought this will stink I wont have my medication but no big fucking deal I will never try any drug I could ever get hooked on now that I am an Adderall junkie I guess it is safe to say.

I only take that which is prescribed and lots of days I miss doses and this weekend of pure hell is what I went through still!

I am really bummed to find out I am a junkie of sorts a licensed prescribed junkie of a street drug (amphetamine). I see my doctor on the 13th of September and I will be bringing this up. I know who much I need it but I believe PTSD can now get added to my diagnoses list after this hellacious weekend.

If I wasn’t puking it was pouring out the other end. Hey I am going to be real here. If you take Adderall for ADHD or recreation BEWARE!

I want to know what my options are…..if I have any…..

Yesterday, Sunday, was completely a shitstorm but I knew the prescription would get called in today.

What I didn’t know was if they would call the script in at the end of the day? I had no idea nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I promise you it never will again!

There is a God especially for junkie’s my script was ready for pick up at 10 am at the pharmacy. Stephanie took me and I could barely keep from running and opening the bottle right there in front of the pharmacist and popping one. I was never so quick cashing out didn’t need paperwork, receipt or bag.

I got to the car and I could not get a tablet into myself fast enough. Being a newbie to withdrawal I had no idea what to expect after taking the pill.

From a psychosomatic or placebo effect just ingesting the dirty pill made my veins feel better. However I would say it came on slowly the recovery that is and now at this moment I am freaking juiced up probably at maximum therapeutic range and I am in heaven.

Honestly I am in heaven and I do thank God my God, your God, all Gods, for the gift of this orange bottle filled with majikal pink pills that are my best friend and my fucking worst enemy starring in a night terror.

I am back. I was leveled…..I always say I want to experience everything once so okay maybe with a slight smirk I am happy I experienced a weekend of Adderall withdrawals. Honestly I can’t feed anybody reading this that line of bullshit. I am not okay with the withdrawals I survived it…it was a minor incident compared to the real junkie warriors. Man do I have new found respect for all of you! Keeping real and keeping it real and keeping it simple today!