Maniacal Musings: Many First Lights

Last night my Mania Madness subsided for the first time since its onset two weeks ago.

It is like seeing the first light at daybreak at 4 am. I am gifted with the relief of some rest and energy levels that are managed by the medication I take daily.

I don’t know if I am out of the woods yet, as the first few days after the first light can go either way.

Try as I may to keep the additional energy away I am nervous that it will return.

It was ironic that I spent the maniac’s hours somewhat calm and worked hard on my anorexia story. I have first light there too with my anorexia: I have really turned the corner with my mental outlook which will slowly affect my physical weight restoration.

I spent last night really trying to relax as my leg was killing me from the surgery and I had no more of my special pain pills.

My ex wife called about going to dinner but I had just taken my pain pills and thus couldn’t go. I needed to stay put as it was and get my leg rested as well as quell the demons and gremlins that returned and knocked me out of the zone yesterday afternoon.

I was so surprised to wake up without the over-abundance of gremlins and demons. I woke Stephanie up and told her the good news. She started to cry a little as she was so relieved I was getting a break from the Mania Madness as she saw first hand what a toll it took on my body, mind, and psyche. I told her I was fine and was going out onto my computer and she offered to go get a coffee for me. I was so surprised and thankful. We all piled into the car for the short drive down the road and got my special tincture of coffee.

I got home and Stephanie went right back to bed and I jumped on my computer. I took my Adderall with the coffee and hoped the golden elixir helped me stay focused and driven but not with the Mania Madness.

I worked until the first light of the day at like 4 am and I took a moment to be grateful for the time I had without the Madness.

I am working hard on my anorexia story and trying to blog here and on SCATTERED every day.

I am feeling the gremlins stir just a bit. Nothing to be worried about now at least.

The gremlins and demons are different and I have never spoke about their differences. The gremlins are the extra energy packets that infiltrate my body and mind.

The demons are the thoughts as a result of the gremlins I can’t control and that sometimes really get the best of me.

I am quite confident today that I will be able to avoid the hospital. The only reason I go into the hospital is for lack of sleep and I have been able to get some sleep each night even if it hasn’t been much. I would say I am most susceptible to Mania Madness without sleep in the spring and fall so to have made it this far I might go back to full Mania Madness again but I believe the sleep will continue with the aid of sleeping pills.

I am proud that I avoided another hospital stay and that I am learning how to use my medications to solve the acute problems. A couple of years ago I would have been right back into the hospital and not for nothing but it does a number on your head.

I made the most of the maniac’s hours and have almost two anorexia blogs to post. I am going to come up with a good topic for my SCATTERED blog and finish my two anorexia posts.

I pray today continues as it is, and I am not relegated to fighting and containing the Mania Madness.

Stephanie and I have to go bedroom shopping and pick out colors for the bedroom and I believe I am taking Bella to the gym today.

The sun is rising and the day looks beautiful. I am so grateful not to be in a psych ward!