Success-Lost Not Yet Found

Success. I had it once. All of it.

The trophy wife, the houses, the cars, the cash, the baby, the contentment of I got a job I did very well, and of course sheer happiness.

I lost it all. In bits and pieces. Then in one crash. Speedsplatt.

I don’t remember the apex of success. I remember the losses I felt, as one by one they got peeled away.

I have spent years thinking, dreaming, envisioning the losses I never felt possible.  I spent years in the fog, as everything I was, everything I created including myself, unraveled and slipped through my fingers like the sand in a kid’s fingers digging on the beach.

I know. I really know there is a comeback for me. I have my doubters, I have my believers. Corey can’t be kept down. Laying on my back is not my style; neither is playing dead or being raped of my soul and my persona..

Through the fog I find me; I found myself. However truly bruised and beaten. I am still breathing and still moving-most importantly in forward motion.

I was caught in a rip tide, I couldn’t find my way to the surface. However, after three long minutes I caught a gasp of air. I had popped up and went immediately back under.

I lost my way. I created all that people aspire to, all without meaning of course. I learned that money was not so important. My soul which got completely lost in the mayhem of success, I didn’t even know it existed. At the end of my success it appeared I was changed forever.

I do care about success, and I will still get there. Everyone knows it even the doubters.

It is a matter of time, a matter of space and place.

I wonder and I wonder. What if? What would I be like if I hadn’t a hint of a clue. I am still lost. I haven’t found what I am seeking; what I am searching for.

I know that it exists, which is more than I knew.

Mind-altering experiences are truly my life blood.

Coming back to earth, feet grounded, a job that pays a lot of money, and gives others reason to look at me as their wonder kid.

I will do it; it is my destiny. But it isn’t what makes me internally successful.